i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
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You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
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I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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