I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
