i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
