Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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