apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize