I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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