oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Vodka?
Forever.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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