I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
