Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize