me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
