Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
