My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
