Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
