oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
