she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
