would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
