i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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