we have officially mastered the walk of shame
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I checked into jail on foursquare
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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