Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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