He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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