there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
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