hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
