I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
