his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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