Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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