I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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