I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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