was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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