After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
