Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
