so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
