If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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