The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
