Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
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so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
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I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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