I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
