All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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