this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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