im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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