Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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