my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
