that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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