between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
