He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
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