Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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