I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
