i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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