she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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