That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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