so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
