Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
