Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
