His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
