Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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