Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
