and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
