I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
