dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
