i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
