I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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