Even the bartender felt bad for me
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
