awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
