thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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