The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
