I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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