There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
my being single is dangerous.
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Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
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You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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