I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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