I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
