on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
