I must be too annoying 4 u.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Is it penis luge time yet?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
