"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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