I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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