Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
