love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
