How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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