Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
