Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
