People with herpes should wear stickers.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
it's like heaven, but drunker
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
