i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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